I expect this is true of most people, but the biggest obstacle between me and a healthier lifestyle is... myself. I am an inherently lazy person. When I am not feeling well, I don't push myself. I will lay in bed for three days, crawling out of it only to fulfill my needs. I think that generally my physical well-being and emotional well-being are very tightly connected. If one is lacking, the other quickly falls to its level.
I have workarounds for the laziness. I can force myself to do things, to move. But that all goes right out the window when I am sick or stressed out or exhausted. I started to feel sick on Monday afternoon at work, and have been basically lying around since then feeling sorry for myself, and honestly I cannot tell you whether I am actually sick or just feeling pathetic. My father has this same problem, and it drives me absolutely crazy so it's difficult for me to state it so plainly, but there it is. Sometimes I don't know whether I'm actually ill or if it's all in my head.
I was in bed for 20 hours (asleep for about 16 of them) on Monday night into Tuesday, and when I got up it was mainly to throw myself into the shower and boil some pasta. The highlight (if you could call it that) of my day was a short battle with a centipede over who owned my shower. I won, for the record. Oh the joys of living in a basement...
Pretty much the only thing positive I can say is that I took all my supplements. Otherwise, I have been a bump on a log. It was a little better when I lived with my parents because my mom would eventually get on my case about it, but now that I'm effectively living on my own, there's nobody to accuse me of faking illness to get out of doing something (which hasn't been the case in about ten years, but what more can you expect from a mother?). On the other hand, it is good that I no longer feel criticized every time I feel sick - which is a lot of the time.
This is one the major things I want to change about myself, one of the things that I think has to change if I want to be healthier. I think I will always be lazy, but I want to get better at fighting against that. But I have no idea how to do that. I don't know how to tell myself, "I know you feel like you're going to throw up, but why don't we go for a walk?" Because the answer is always, "Only if it's in the direction of the toilet." I am lucky if I can drag my sorry butt across the house, let alone out of it.
I am really hoping that the supplements will give me more energy. It might not help me when I'm feeling down, but if I can get into the habit of doing more when I feel well, I will either feel really guilty about being lazy the rest of the time or I will figure I've earned it. Either way, I'd feel better about it than I do now. Or if they help me feel sick less often, that would be great too.
So far it's only been a couple of days so I don't expect anything to be different. The first day or two I was really bothered by the taste of the pills, and the way I could taste them when I burped. Since then I've starting taking them before I eat, which has helped with the aftertaste, and have been taking them with juice instead of water, which has helped to mask the flavor.
I forgot about my heart rhythm meditation class tonight and missed it, and will probably be out sick from work tomorrow, too. I hope I can rally enough to make it to yoga on Thursday because I really need to be doing that, but I just don't know.
I mixed frankincense, balance blend, and lavender oil in my lamp diffuser to help me relax and that has done the trick, but it is significantly easier to settle myself than it is to motivate - and settling isn't easy.
So, this post has no real conclusion. I work through problems verbally, and this has been an attempt to figure out my laziness. I would welcome any suggestions.
I have workarounds for the laziness. I can force myself to do things, to move. But that all goes right out the window when I am sick or stressed out or exhausted. I started to feel sick on Monday afternoon at work, and have been basically lying around since then feeling sorry for myself, and honestly I cannot tell you whether I am actually sick or just feeling pathetic. My father has this same problem, and it drives me absolutely crazy so it's difficult for me to state it so plainly, but there it is. Sometimes I don't know whether I'm actually ill or if it's all in my head.
I was in bed for 20 hours (asleep for about 16 of them) on Monday night into Tuesday, and when I got up it was mainly to throw myself into the shower and boil some pasta. The highlight (if you could call it that) of my day was a short battle with a centipede over who owned my shower. I won, for the record. Oh the joys of living in a basement...
Pretty much the only thing positive I can say is that I took all my supplements. Otherwise, I have been a bump on a log. It was a little better when I lived with my parents because my mom would eventually get on my case about it, but now that I'm effectively living on my own, there's nobody to accuse me of faking illness to get out of doing something (which hasn't been the case in about ten years, but what more can you expect from a mother?). On the other hand, it is good that I no longer feel criticized every time I feel sick - which is a lot of the time.
This is one the major things I want to change about myself, one of the things that I think has to change if I want to be healthier. I think I will always be lazy, but I want to get better at fighting against that. But I have no idea how to do that. I don't know how to tell myself, "I know you feel like you're going to throw up, but why don't we go for a walk?" Because the answer is always, "Only if it's in the direction of the toilet." I am lucky if I can drag my sorry butt across the house, let alone out of it.
I am really hoping that the supplements will give me more energy. It might not help me when I'm feeling down, but if I can get into the habit of doing more when I feel well, I will either feel really guilty about being lazy the rest of the time or I will figure I've earned it. Either way, I'd feel better about it than I do now. Or if they help me feel sick less often, that would be great too.
So far it's only been a couple of days so I don't expect anything to be different. The first day or two I was really bothered by the taste of the pills, and the way I could taste them when I burped. Since then I've starting taking them before I eat, which has helped with the aftertaste, and have been taking them with juice instead of water, which has helped to mask the flavor.
I forgot about my heart rhythm meditation class tonight and missed it, and will probably be out sick from work tomorrow, too. I hope I can rally enough to make it to yoga on Thursday because I really need to be doing that, but I just don't know.
I mixed frankincense, balance blend, and lavender oil in my lamp diffuser to help me relax and that has done the trick, but it is significantly easier to settle myself than it is to motivate - and settling isn't easy.
So, this post has no real conclusion. I work through problems verbally, and this has been an attempt to figure out my laziness. I would welcome any suggestions.
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